The phrase "blood is thicker than water" implies that family, or "blood," has a tighter bond than strangers, or "water." In the article about marriages in Iraq, for instance, the narrator describes marriage as typically between first or second cousinds. These marriages showed a 2% divorce rate as opposed to the 30% divorce rate correlated with marriages between people outside their own clan. The couple (Iqbal and Muhammad, in the narrator's specific example) was happy to marry within the family because they thought it was easier that way.
In my family it is a very important aspect of life to keep in close contact with one another. However, I have an uncle who's wife I have never cared much for, and the fact that she is not my family (affinal kin) and has caused people who are my consanguineal kin to dislike her has caused the whole family to distance themselves from her, and thus my uncle and my cousins. If she was my blood, though, I would think of it in a different way. I would forgive her for being a wench, and I would probably be in touch with my cousin and uncle more often.
Iknew someone who was having problems with living with her dad because he just got re-married. She felt that he had replaced her and her mom with this new woman, and it made her mad and jealous. Because the woman (step-mom) was her affinal kin, she could not shake the anger and always reacted to her with a sarcastic tone of voice. Her mom did not care much and was able to accept that her ex husband got re-married, and I think that may be because they were not tied by blood. The man's daughter, however, was his blood, his consanguineal kin, and she envied a woman who entered her clan from the outside, as a "stranger."
These distinctions between consanguineal kin and affinal kin are important in my culture because we see this as two different kinds of people, which can be broken down into even smaller subgroups, and this shapes how we see and think of people. Without these distinctions we would never know who to trust, who we could rely on and be close to, who would teach us what we need to know when we need to know it. Marriage, though it causes new people to legally enter into the family, does not cause the affinal kin to become as close to each member as consanguineal kin are to eachother.
Your comment about the aunt that you don't much care for, I think is universal in our society. I think we all have a relative or two that we could do without, and we feel like that is okay because they aren't blood related. We only put up with them for the sake of our other family members that may love them. Also what you said about the step-mother situation, that is huge in our culture! Jealousy and upset over a "new" person coming into the family, especially when it's been another way for so long. I'm sure this doesn't happen nearly as much in cultures where inter-family marriages are common practice.
ReplyDeleteI thought your story about the woman you called a "wench" was kind of funny; but each family has someone like in it. I know I certainly have a few in mine! The important thing is that even though she's not family, you realize your view of her would change if is was family.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I'm really really glad our culture doesn't support the view of inter-marriage in a family. I would be very upset if I had to marry some of my cousins. :) I love my family to death, I just don't want to have to marry into it. There are some good things to the whole cousin-marriage though, the wealth/property does stay within the family, and the relatives seem to live closer. However, the culture is no longer intermingled, so new family alliances cannot beformed between the couple's family.
I love your examples! You're comment about your uncle's wife is so relatable. I feel as if almost every family has one of those people! Also with your other example about your friend is relatable as well. With the divorce rate growing in the U.S., this situation is becoming more frequent. Although my mom has not remarried there were times where I felt inferior to her boyfriend, who was a very nice person, but at first I felt as if I was less important to her.
ReplyDeleteYeah my dad's new girlfriend is kind of a snoody south floridian from jersey (she fits most stereotypes about people from jersey) and I find myself getting jealous of her because he took her on a cruise, he bought her a tv, and he takes her to dinner every night but he has a hard time sending me gas money! haha. Thank you guys for agreeing with me!
ReplyDeleteI like all your examples and I think most can relate you how you feel about those that would be affines, I too have some relatives that have gotten remarried, I don't care for there spouse but probably would if they were blood related. I really wouldn't have much of a choice, the saying you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.
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