Kinship is the most important aspect of most human life. Our families are our homes, they shelter us, guide us, teach us, and comfort us. Universally, family ties are the hardest to break. The article talks about marriages between first and second cousins as a norm in Iraq. As bizarre and possibly disgusting as this seems to us, it is the only way of life for not only them, but many other cultures as well. Keeping things in the family has different definitions for all cultures. Many people of the western world keep things in the family through heirlooms and bits and pieces of family history passed down from the generations before them. Although is it hard for me to imagine marrying within close family, I get how much "safer" that would seem to some cultures. Going out on a limb is considered pretty stupid by many cultures, we mostly praise those who do it in out culture. We like the thrill and the fun of going out and meeting someone new and different than those we are already familiar with. However, once we have them, what is the next most important thing? Introducing them to your family, and meeting theirs. Families serve as a means of approval for of choices of spouse, and we always want them to get along even if that is not always the case.
The book talks about Classification of Kin, which I knew existed but had not really thought about in those terms before. Each relative has their own role and and obligations within their kinship group. We are taught from the time we are born that there are certain ways we are expected to treat our family members. We know not to curse in front of grandma, or talk back to mom and dad. We know that we can learn from our older siblings and teach our younger ones. Of course it all varies from family to family but generally, we all know what is expected of us.
I have to agree with you on the strength of kinship idea you mentioned. If you don't have a strong family to support you, what do you have? I know I need my family sometimes when I need help or just feel upset. Although I have some really good friends, it's not the same as having the blood ties with family members.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the marriage between cousins practice in Iraq really doesn't seem appealing to me. I love my male cousins because their my family, but I certainly don't want to have to marry one of them. I'm not saying this practice is wrong for different cultures, but I'm thankful the intermarriage of a family is not expected in my culture.
I totally agree about your insights on how we introduce our friends (or dates) to our families. As human beings, we want to feel accepted by others and strive to live up to the expectations of those we love, because we want to have that special conncetion. We want our familes (most especially, our parents) to approve the things we do or the people we hang out with... and if they don't, we have that natural compulsion to fix whatever it is that threatens to break that family tie. Our family isn't just the people who share our last name. Like you said, they are our homes and sanctuaries, those we can trust and depend on, those who love us and whom we love in return.
ReplyDeleteYou are right when you say we need strong family to support you. We had an instance where someone the was engaged to my cousin started a few things in the family and unfortunately because he had a disease they said they automatically thought there was no way anyone else could be right. This has broke our strong family bond that we did have at one time. I don't know that we will ever get the back but I guess only time will tell and with him being a affine, its only a matter of time before he messes up again.
ReplyDelete